My heart was set

Have you ever just known, I mean you knew without a doubt, that something you had hoped for or just assumed, would happen.  I mean there was no doubt and you didn't even give it a second thought because you just knew!  And then it didn't happen.  I'm not talking about a trip you had planned or a college to which you applied.  I'm talking about something that when it did not happen it rocked you to your core. 

I believe if something like this has never happened to you, you are fortunate.  But really, you haven't lived until you have had to fight for every minute of every day, minute by minute.  Sounds rough huh?  Well there are a lot of people going through this very scenario.  Some people survive the blow and some do not.  For some it's the loss of a loved one they thought would be around for at least a very long time.  For others its a prayer God did not answer.  It's pretty tough when you pray for years for something and God does not answer.

What do you do, how do you recover, how do you make it through the rest of your life?  There are a lot of smug answers: 'well God is in control' or 'we live in a fallen world', or what about this one 'we will understand it better by and by.'  When is 'by and by'?  Why do we have to wait until then to understand? 

A lot of things do not make sense and as human beings, we want things to make sense.  What do we do when we can't get things to make sense?  We struggle with 'it' making sense one day and then the next day we're back to being completely dumbfounded.  We want two and two to add up to four and it just isn't adding up.

Let me tell you from my humble perch.  I am there.  I want you to know that if I can make it so can you.  Allow yourself to question God, allow yourself to struggle until you just don't struggle anymore.  Whatever you do, don't give up, keep going.  If you don't have a core group of trusted people to talk to, seek professional help.  One day you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.  One day you will use your experience to help someone else.  Sure, you would  prefer that your prayers had been answered but they weren't.  You won't be the first and you won't be the last, neither will I.   Take every bit of your experience and put it to good use.  Everything will be alright.