White paper

I have been planning my strategy for quite some time now. What do I say? How much do I say, when? Then, in November I made the life-changing decision to quit my job. I had never done anything like that before. I have been laid off after 11 years of service, and I have been fired…once, after two and half years of service.  Neither event was particularly pleasing, but it is all part of life. You roll with the punches, sink or swim.  But to walk away from a job, a paying gig, it was one of the scariest moments of my life.  I walked away because although I had and have, bills to pay, it was now or never.  I planned, freshened up my social networking sites, did everything I could to be ready.

Ready for what? Ready to step into the role I believe God prepared for me, or maybe it’s prepared me for. I have often heard people say that if they had to go through their particular adversity again, they would.  They would not change a thing.  I am not of the same opinion, and I do not foresee changing my mind about this. 

You see, well, let’s first define the term ‘white paper’:

 'An informational document issued by a company to promote or highlight the features of a solution, product or service.  White papers are sales and marketing documents used to entice or persuade potential customers to learn more about or purchase a particular product, service, technology or methodology.  White papers are designed to be used as a marketing tool before a sale, and not as a user manual or other technical document developed to provide support to the user after making a purchase.' (Investopedia.com).       

Well, I hardly feel that I am ‘persuading potential customers…’, but more like I am providing ‘an informational document issued…to promote or highlight the features of a solution…’ In my case reaching out to a particular segment of society.  A segment of society that we do not hear much about.  Why do I have to explain what I am doing? Well, I do not really have to explain.    I want the segment of society, the women that I am speaking to, to understand.  To understand that I understand, what they are going through because I have been through the same thing.

What is that? I want to encourage women of all ages who cannot/could not, have children.  Maybe it’s me, but have you ever noticed that people start to squirm whenever that subject does not come up?  People are not sure what to say when you tell them you do not have children.  There is an uncomfortable lull in the conversation, and then you can see their brain working on an exit strategy from the conversation, from you.  Others say silly things like ‘children are overrated’, or ‘you can have mine, they’re a pain’.  Most people are joking, but it’s just not funny.  It would be better to say ‘I’m sorry’, or say nothing.  I plan on speaking to the hurting heart of childlessness, giving a voice to the pain. Why?  Because I believe when you give voice to your fears, your losses, your pain; although that pain might not completely go away, it becomes less ominous.  I plan to help make the pain less ominous.

My white paper, then, is to help childless women realize that they, we, are as relevant to society as women with children.  I want to be the ‘marketing tool’ in the ‘white paper’.  We are not filler, existing on the fringe of society.  We are not bitter, hateful or weird.  Trust me, I have heard it all.  

Unfortunately some people will see my ‘white paper’, my mission, as a threat.  They will draw their children closer when I enter the room, or they may make veiled remarks of feeling threatened.  Please know that if my message is not for you, it’s OK.  I know for a fact that there are millions of women around the world for whom this message will resonate.  I also believe that there are also millions of men and women around the world who are open-minded enough, and not feeling threatened, to want to understand.  I applaud you and thank you.  I look forward to helping others better understand that we all have different fears, losses, and pain.  But we can overcome these facts of life enough, to live a relevant and joy-filled life.  

That's the spirit!

Spirit.  This word is used to describe everything from personalities to apparitions.  People with spirit are typically described as having high energy, being the life of the party, and easy to get along with. Some people even call alcoholic beverages spirits.  Going just a little further, sometimes people use the term spirit as a verb. Example: 'the kids spirited away the chalk before the teacher came into the class room.'  

But what about you, your spirit?  When you listen to music how does it make you feel? What thoughts enter your mind?  Do you feel negative or do you feel positive?  Do the lyrics speak life to you, or do they speak death? What is the spirit of the music? When you read a book or watch a TV show or movie, how does the content make you feel?  Do you walk away feeling encouraged, discouraged, hateful?  What many people do not understand is how their spirit is negatively or positively affected by the things life presents to us.  Some people do not understand why they feel a certain way after walking away from a conversation, a movie, or a song they just heard. 

Job 32:8 says 'But it is the spirit{a)} in a person, the breath of the Almighty that gives them understanding.' (Biblegateway.com, NIV).  Some have argued that all sentient beings have a spirit and a soul.  Some believe that animals go to heaven when they die, like humans do.  I really do not know.  What I know is that we as human beings need to diligently guard our soul and spirit.  This means that we should make specific choices about what we choose to read, and what we choose to watch, and what we choose to listen to.  This is not about censorship, unless that is what you want it to be. This is about protecting your spirit.  

Think about it, we are all different and the same event can affect us differently.  We all like to think we are tough, and that not much can affect us, especially some book or some song.  But if you think about the last time an event, a book, or a song affected you for the good or for the bad; how long did the impression last?  How long did it 'weigh' on your spirit if it was negative, or lift your spirit it was a positive event?  Be honest.  When you honestly review what you are watching and listening to, all the world's negative assaults will quickly know their place in your life.  The good stuff will be just that, the good stuff.  The things that enhance your life and even help you through difficult times instead of making difficult times even worse.  Bottom line: protect your spirit. 

I intend to...

Intention. It seems like an innocuous word filled with hope doesn't it? Honestly, it's a word that gets on my nerves because it is usually preceded by some task that was supposed to be completed but was not.  Usually the task or event was not done because something else got in the way.  'I intended to wash the dishes, but I got caught up in a long telephone call with Aunt Nelly'.  I intended to go to church this morning, but I decided to sleep in after a late night of studying'.  'I intended to finish my homework by the deadline, but I got sidetracked'.  Excuses, all excuses.  Even if the excuse is a good one, it is still an excuse.  And though I believe intentions not followed through are excuses, we will all be found guilty of these in-completes at one time or another through out our lives. The best we can do is to make sure our in-completes become less as we mature.

We can do this by making sure we do not have too much on our plates at any given time.  We have to make our no mean no, and our yes mean yes.  It takes work, we might lose friends and acquaintances, but we must remember that we only live once and life is short.  We cannot afford to get mired in overly long to-do lists and being talked into taking on tasks we have no business saying yes to.

But what if we turned intention on it's head? What if we decided to live life with intention instead of intending to do things we never get to?  What if we chose intention instead of bitterness? I believe, as do most people, that life is about choices.  We choose to get out of bed in the morning whether we want to or not.  We choose to go to school or work whether we want to or not.  We choose joy instead of bitterness.  We choose happiness instead of sadness.  Don't get me wrong, I am not saying to pretend we don't feel a certain way.  We are beings with emotions: happiness, sadness, anger, etc.  But what we do with those emotions is what is important.  As we mature physically, emotionally, and spiritually, we must live with intention.

Life takes us through some very sad places.  For many of us life did not turn out the way we expected. Some of have been hit with untimely death, unwanted divorce, a marriage that never happened, or children we never had.  For many of us, our hearts have been broken and twisted into unrecognizable forms.  Hearts broken into so many pieces we do not believe they will ever be put back together again.  But what would happen if we lived with the intention that whether our hearts healed or not, we would be a positive force in our little corner of the world? What if we lived with the intention that our broken hearts would not rule us, but that we would rule that brokenness? What if we realized that the brokenness became less, even if it never completely disappeared?  What if we found that in the brokenness we realized our calling, the reason we were put on this earth?

No, the broken heart and broken dreams are definitely not the path we would have chosen, but the fact is it happened.  What we do about it is what matters.  What if we lived with intention?

What's your struggle?

What if we used our struggles to better ourselves, instead of fighting against our struggles.  Most people want to hide their struggles, their weakness, their faults, and their failures.  What if we admitted them and then used them to make us better, lessening their effect on us and on those around us?  How can we do that you ask?  It would not be easy, it would take time, but I believe it would be worth it in the end.

The first thing we would have to do is to make a list, take stock of our faults and failures.  It may be a painful undertaking, but I believe as human beings making our way through life, we should take stock once in a while anyway. I believe that is how we grow and mature spiritually and emotionally. We cannot continue on unless we have the list.

Once the list is complete, the next step is to not beat ourselves up.  No one is perfect, negative self-talk is self-defeating.  We do not have time for that.  Life is short, and we have someplace to be. Where you ask? Wherever it is God says we should be.  After all, that is the reason for this exercise. We were all put on this earth for a reason.  The reasons are many: to be the best parents, to be the next president, prime minister, CEO, or scientist.  Whatever God puts on our heart to do, to become, we must be the best; do our best.  When we are taking stock, we must be thorough, otherwise what would be the point?

So we make our list, and we take stock of each item on that list.  We have decided not to fight against or to struggle with, our faults and failures.  We must instead invite God to help us use those faults and struggles, to make us patient with ourselves and with others. The struggle against ourselves will try to overtake us daily.  But we must daily push back. That is called maturity, and it is called using our struggles instead of fighting against them.  

 

Distraction

Last week I posted my first ever video blog entitled 'It is time'. Click this link to listen to the video.  http://civillamorgan.blogspot.com/2014/10/it-is-time.html

In this post, I would like to follow up to 'It is time'.  When you make the decision to step out, to make that big crazy move, that is when distraction will come.  It may seem innocent enough, and it usually is.  The bearer of the distraction usually does not even know that he or she is bringing distraction, they just want you to do something for them. You, the person stepping out into a new thing, must recognize what is happening, and respond accordingly.  Distractions by their nature, exist to keep you from doing what you are supposed to be doing.  Some time ago, I also posted a blog entitled 'Do not idle'.  In that post I mentioned how when I was a little girl and my mother would send me to the store, she would tell me 'do not idle'.  Do not become distracted, do not allow anyone to stop you from going to the store, go and come straight back.

Distraction can make us lose track of time.  Before we know it, a whole day has gone by and none of the tasks on our 'to do' list have been completed.  Fighting distraction takes strength and discipline.  It is much easier to spend time on tasks we prefer than to spend time on tasks we would rather not do. But the fact is, to succeed, that task must eventually be done.  In this day and age, most people do not like the word discipline.  We want things done immediately.  But what if we realized that every successful person we know whether personally or in the headlines, got to where they are through discipline?  They disciplined themselves by going to acting classes. They learned their lines, and they became world famous actors and actresses commanding top dollar in their industry.  People who want to do and be the best in their industry, must stay up late into the night.  They have to wake up early in the morning, and they have to say no to things they want to say yes to.

Sometimes the devil sends people to distract us, to attempt to take us out of our season of stepping out.  There are people who do not want us to succeed.   These people will tell lies about us, saying things to discredit us, planting seeds of doubt.  The first key to recognizing a distraction is to look at the timing of the distraction.  I do not believe in coincidence.

If something happens or someone approaches at the time of your stepping out; think before acting or re-acting.  Now more than ever, the time of our stepping out, we have to hear God every step of the way.  This time of stepping out may never come again.

My personal suggestions for stepping out successfully:

1) Be able to say 'no' even if the request is for a 'good thing'.
2) Be selfish with your time.  This is the only time I will tell you to be selfish, I do not like that trait       at all, but in this case, it is necessary.
3) Be willing to walk away from what seems like common sense, if it is what God is telling you to         do.  God's instructions seldom make sense.
4) Be kind but firm.  Everyone will have their opinion on what you are doing.  But the only word that      counts is the word coming from God.
5)  Pray every step of the way, and even after you become successful, keep praying.  What it took to        get you there is what it will take to keep you there.
6) Surround yourself with people you trust.  As I mentioned above, not everyone will be happy for         you, no matter how much they smile and pat you on the back.  Ask God to surround you with             people whose suggestions and critiques are consistent and trustworthy.

Do you have suggestions for successfully stepping out?  I would love to hear them!

It is time

Perception

Late last year I went back to the Caribbean Island my family is from, to attend the funeral of a family member.  Of course it was a sad occasion, but as preparations were underway, some days we took the opportunity to stop for lunch at a nearby restaurant.  I walked ahead of the family members I had traveled with that day, to get to the restaurant; I was hungry, and wanted to get a table.  Dressed in a sundress and flip flops I walked into the restaurant searching for the perfect table.  A young man sitting at a nearby table stopped eating, looked at me said something I will never forget: 'you are impressive'.  I said 'excuse me?' He repeated himself.  I said 'you don't even know me, how do you know I'm impressive?' He said 'it's the way you carry yourself.' I was silent for a few seconds, taken aback, and then I said 'thank you'.  He said 'you're welcome' and turned back to his food. I found a table for the group I was with.

I realize as human beings, we will never be perfect. Christian or not. But what I do know is that whether or not we are perfect, whether or not we realize it, we are being watched.  We are being watched when we mess up and we are being watched when we do well.  I read a FaceBook post a few days ago, where an elderly woman eating at a restaurant, apparently wrote a note to her waiter impressed by the way he carried himself.  He reminded her of her deceased son.  Whether or not this story is true, the fact is we have to ask ourselves how are we being perceived, how do we carry ourselves? Does it matter? Of course it does.  Those of us who are Christians know this is especially true.  We know that many times people are watching to see us mess up, and some people in fact some want us to do well.

As Christians, we are representatives of Jesus.  As such, we must live our lives as much as possible above reproach.  We may make a bad decision once in a while or say something we should not have, but we must push to become the person God wants us to be.  We must be a blessing to everyone we interact with.

How do we emanate the right perception, how do we carry ourselves in a good and positive way? Being a person who emanates a positive perception to others can start with simple actions.  We should treat people with respect and dignity regardless of their station in life.  That may sound snobbish or uppity, but the fact is, many people mistreat those whom they think are 'beneath' them. No human is beneath another human, God made us all, and in His image.  If we remember that, treating everyone we meet with respect will come naturally.  We all want to be heard, and sometimes just being heard by you is all another human being will get.

Sometimes we will miss the mark, but the key is to try continually, it will be worth it.  I will be honest, I struggle with patience.  When we travel to the islands my family and I are from (we are from two different islands that are governed by one flag) we have to take a taxi from the airport to the pier, and then take a ferryboat to the island of our final destination. On the flight from the U.S. a passenger was having trouble storing his luggage in the overhead compartment.  I had no choice but to stand in the aisle, waiting for him to get his luggage stored.  Little did I know that I would be sitting next to him for our trip from The U.S. to the Caribbean.  God does have a sense of humor.  He points out our faults to us, giving us a chance to fix them. The gentleman thanked me profusely for my patience, which made me feel guilty!  Because I really just wanted to sit down.  We chatted on the trip to The Caribbean, and when we landed he thanked me again for my patience and insisted on paying our fare from the airport to the pier.  He would not be refused.  We thanked him and took our taxi to the pier.

Whenever I find myself in a situation where my patience is tested, I remember the above mentioned experiences.  The thing about relationship with Christ is that when He knows we are chasing after Him, when we try, and when we fail; He will test us but He will not leave us.  He will teach us through experiences such as the above, but He will not embarrass us or call us out.  We just have to trust Him to grow us, allow Him to grow us.

When Moses was turning his leadership over to Joshua when the Israelites were about to enter The Promised Land, he said many encouraging things to the people, but one of the things that stood out for me was this: 'The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.' Deuteronomy 31:8.  I know that The Lord is going ahead, before me, to teach me, even reprimand me.  He wants me to be of a positive and good perception.  Amen!