What if?

Life is about choices.  We choose to take risks or we choose to live under the radar.  There is no middle ground, no straddling the fence.  We either risk applying for that promotion, or we sit in the same seat year after year.  We either risk asking that person on a date, or we wonder ‘what if?’ We either write that book or we dream about writing that book.  We dream about taking that vacation, or opening that business we think about every day; or we just exist until we die.

They say the cemeteries are filled with unrealized dreams.  We will one day become one of those unrealized dreams or we can take the risk.  What drives risk takers, what pushes us to take the risk? It’s that voice in our head and our gut that says ‘I don’t want to turn 90 and find myself sitting in my rocking chair wondering ‘what if?’  Don’t get me wrong, an integral part of taking risks is failing.  I believe that is what keeps many people from taking risks.  What if you ask her out and she says no?  What if you apply for that job or promotion and someone less qualified gets it?  What if you did not conduct the proper research before opening your business or maybe you did, and it fails within two years of opening?  What if you just break even on that book you decided to publish?  Hey, what if you take that dream vacation and you come back with a stomach virus or worse? 

But what if you succeed? What if you succeed beyond your wildest dreams?  What if you have the vacation of a lifetime with memories you will cherish forever?  What if the success of your book is that it touched one soul, or 10, or 10,000?  What if it takes your business three times before it is successful.  And in the meantime you have to work for someone else during the day and work on your business at night, until it is successful?  What if the person you asked out said no and then you met the person of your dreams?  Risk, what if?

Many years ago, I worked for a brokerage firm for more than a decade.  The last seven of those 11 years I was a Registered Representative—aka a stock broker.  It took me several years to get to that level, and I have to say I loved my job.  I loved, and still love, the energy of the stock market.  But some days I hated my job!  I would find myself staring out the window, wondering ‘what if?’  Then the layoffs happened. 250 of us in one day!  My life changed immensely after that day.  I vowed never to go back into the world of finance and thought I would try the healthcare industry. 

My first job in the healthcare industry, an entry level position, I lasted two and half years.  Then I was fired!  I was taking too much time with the patients.  I had never been fired before! The next employment opportunity, same job different company, I took that entry level position again; hoping to get in and move up in the company.  I seriously wanted to; thought I would, stay there until retirement! I tried for six years to move up, but to no avail.  I sat in an entry level position making thousands less than I had made as a broker, but thankful for a job.  We all know the stories of how many people are under-employed.  After six years however, I could not take it anymore.  I resigned.  It was now or never. 

The months preceding my resignation, that was all I heard, ‘it’s now or never!’  I heard it in church sermons and conversations with strangers who did not know my situation.  Everywhere I turned, I heard the warning, ‘it’s now or never’.  I kept thinking ‘I have to do this.  I may never get another chance’.  But I would push the thought out of my mind because it just was not practical.  It was not the right time!             

Well, here I am.  I’m working at my ‘what if’.  Is it scary? Yes it is!  Do I sometimes hear the voice in my head asking me if I’m crazy? Yes.  Do I ask myself what about being prepared for retirement?  Definitely! Suppose! Suppose, suppose, suppose!? What response do I give myself? ‘I know, suppose, but what if?’

White paper

I have been planning my strategy for quite some time now. What do I say? How much do I say, when? Then, in November I made the life-changing decision to quit my job. I had never done anything like that before. I have been laid off after 11 years of service, and I have been fired…once, after two and half years of service.  Neither event was particularly pleasing, but it is all part of life. You roll with the punches, sink or swim.  But to walk away from a job, a paying gig, it was one of the scariest moments of my life.  I walked away because although I had and have, bills to pay, it was now or never.  I planned, freshened up my social networking sites, did everything I could to be ready.

Ready for what? Ready to step into the role I believe God prepared for me, or maybe it’s prepared me for. I have often heard people say that if they had to go through their particular adversity again, they would.  They would not change a thing.  I am not of the same opinion, and I do not foresee changing my mind about this. 

You see, well, let’s first define the term ‘white paper’:

 'An informational document issued by a company to promote or highlight the features of a solution, product or service.  White papers are sales and marketing documents used to entice or persuade potential customers to learn more about or purchase a particular product, service, technology or methodology.  White papers are designed to be used as a marketing tool before a sale, and not as a user manual or other technical document developed to provide support to the user after making a purchase.' (Investopedia.com).       

Well, I hardly feel that I am ‘persuading potential customers…’, but more like I am providing ‘an informational document issued…to promote or highlight the features of a solution…’ In my case reaching out to a particular segment of society.  A segment of society that we do not hear much about.  Why do I have to explain what I am doing? Well, I do not really have to explain.    I want the segment of society, the women that I am speaking to, to understand.  To understand that I understand, what they are going through because I have been through the same thing.

What is that? I want to encourage women of all ages who cannot/could not, have children.  Maybe it’s me, but have you ever noticed that people start to squirm whenever that subject does not come up?  People are not sure what to say when you tell them you do not have children.  There is an uncomfortable lull in the conversation, and then you can see their brain working on an exit strategy from the conversation, from you.  Others say silly things like ‘children are overrated’, or ‘you can have mine, they’re a pain’.  Most people are joking, but it’s just not funny.  It would be better to say ‘I’m sorry’, or say nothing.  I plan on speaking to the hurting heart of childlessness, giving a voice to the pain. Why?  Because I believe when you give voice to your fears, your losses, your pain; although that pain might not completely go away, it becomes less ominous.  I plan to help make the pain less ominous.

My white paper, then, is to help childless women realize that they, we, are as relevant to society as women with children.  I want to be the ‘marketing tool’ in the ‘white paper’.  We are not filler, existing on the fringe of society.  We are not bitter, hateful or weird.  Trust me, I have heard it all.  

Unfortunately some people will see my ‘white paper’, my mission, as a threat.  They will draw their children closer when I enter the room, or they may make veiled remarks of feeling threatened.  Please know that if my message is not for you, it’s OK.  I know for a fact that there are millions of women around the world for whom this message will resonate.  I also believe that there are also millions of men and women around the world who are open-minded enough, and not feeling threatened, to want to understand.  I applaud you and thank you.  I look forward to helping others better understand that we all have different fears, losses, and pain.  But we can overcome these facts of life enough, to live a relevant and joy-filled life.  

I intend to...

Intention. It seems like an innocuous word filled with hope doesn't it? Honestly, it's a word that gets on my nerves because it is usually preceded by some task that was supposed to be completed but was not.  Usually the task or event was not done because something else got in the way.  'I intended to wash the dishes, but I got caught up in a long telephone call with Aunt Nelly'.  I intended to go to church this morning, but I decided to sleep in after a late night of studying'.  'I intended to finish my homework by the deadline, but I got sidetracked'.  Excuses, all excuses.  Even if the excuse is a good one, it is still an excuse.  And though I believe intentions not followed through are excuses, we will all be found guilty of these in-completes at one time or another through out our lives. The best we can do is to make sure our in-completes become less as we mature.

We can do this by making sure we do not have too much on our plates at any given time.  We have to make our no mean no, and our yes mean yes.  It takes work, we might lose friends and acquaintances, but we must remember that we only live once and life is short.  We cannot afford to get mired in overly long to-do lists and being talked into taking on tasks we have no business saying yes to.

But what if we turned intention on it's head? What if we decided to live life with intention instead of intending to do things we never get to?  What if we chose intention instead of bitterness? I believe, as do most people, that life is about choices.  We choose to get out of bed in the morning whether we want to or not.  We choose to go to school or work whether we want to or not.  We choose joy instead of bitterness.  We choose happiness instead of sadness.  Don't get me wrong, I am not saying to pretend we don't feel a certain way.  We are beings with emotions: happiness, sadness, anger, etc.  But what we do with those emotions is what is important.  As we mature physically, emotionally, and spiritually, we must live with intention.

Life takes us through some very sad places.  For many of us life did not turn out the way we expected. Some of have been hit with untimely death, unwanted divorce, a marriage that never happened, or children we never had.  For many of us, our hearts have been broken and twisted into unrecognizable forms.  Hearts broken into so many pieces we do not believe they will ever be put back together again.  But what would happen if we lived with the intention that whether our hearts healed or not, we would be a positive force in our little corner of the world? What if we lived with the intention that our broken hearts would not rule us, but that we would rule that brokenness? What if we realized that the brokenness became less, even if it never completely disappeared?  What if we found that in the brokenness we realized our calling, the reason we were put on this earth?

No, the broken heart and broken dreams are definitely not the path we would have chosen, but the fact is it happened.  What we do about it is what matters.  What if we lived with intention?