Inside the profile

Four years ago today, December 15^th, 2011, I was inside the profile; but I was not alone. I was in the OR—operating room, undergoing an approximately four to six hour surgery. I was having that final surgery.  A lot of prayers were being sent up for me, in fact my surgeon prayed with my parents and me.  The surgery went well although there were complications during recovery. But I survived those too.

 The last couple of years, my ‘anniversary’ came and went without barely a thought, but somehow this year, today; it is really on my mind. I have decided not to ignore the process and just allow myself to think about it. I am happy to be alive and well; emotionally, mentally, and spiritually now.  And I was fine after the surgery, but then I began to become very sad.  I started to realize I would really never carry a child now that I had that final surgery.  Before the surgery, although I was having a lot of physical problems, I told myself I still had a chance. But the surgery was a finalization.  And that finalization hit me in a delayed reaction kind of way.

I had to eventually visit a psychologist after constantly crying for days and not knowing how to stop it.  He eventually told me that I was grieving a loss, and that was when the light bulb went on for me! I was not allowing myself to grieve because I didn’t know I was grieving. I did not know I could grieve something I never had.  And on top of all of that, I had stopped praying.

Bottom line, I have been on a journey.  And I know millions of women around the world have been on the same or similar journey.

Inside the profile with me, whether I felt it or not at the time, was Jesus. Yes, what I went through was almost unbearable, but I survived.  God was with me, and He knows my end to my beginning and my beginning to my end.  Check out my logo! You will see someone in the profile!  He is always in the profile. 

Getting Ready!

I’m working on my next book, my 365-day devotional; and every day I remind myself how easy I thought the process would be. I thought it would be different than writing a book, for some strange reason. But it is not. I have decided to stick to my self-imposed schedule, but I have also decided, as is always the case, to make sure I have beautiful well-thought out content.  I really want the women who purchase this book to find deep solace in its pages. There will be some great additions, inserts, and interaction. I am so excited!

I will not beat myself up if it is not ready by my initial deadline, but I plan to have it finished as soon as possible.

To get you ready for ‘21^st Century Hannah 365 Days of Praise’, here is a rough draft sampler of one of my ‘days’.  The day can change, so I will not mention which day this is: 

‘Favorites. Do you ever wonder if God has favorites? Do you ever notice how some people seem to profoundly mess up, but God blesses them anyway? You find yourself talking to God, telling him how you just wanted one thing your entire life, but he said no. In fact, as in my case, he seemed to block every possible way that my prayer could have been answered! Yet others are blessed over and over, and some of them apparently oblivious. Well, let me remind you that the comparison game creates a slippery slope that can take you to bitterness and sadness. Don’t go there! Concentrate on you, your life, your relationship with Christ; and with others.  Make sure you are where you are supposed to be physically, spiritually, and emotionally. This is one of the few times in life when it is about you’.  ©     

Remember, this is a rough draft, I may make some changes in the final draft. 

Please also remember that this is copyrighted information. 

21st Century Hannah on air again on Monday February 16th!

White paper

I have been planning my strategy for quite some time now. What do I say? How much do I say, when? Then, in November I made the life-changing decision to quit my job. I had never done anything like that before. I have been laid off after 11 years of service, and I have been fired…once, after two and half years of service.  Neither event was particularly pleasing, but it is all part of life. You roll with the punches, sink or swim.  But to walk away from a job, a paying gig, it was one of the scariest moments of my life.  I walked away because although I had and have, bills to pay, it was now or never.  I planned, freshened up my social networking sites, did everything I could to be ready.

Ready for what? Ready to step into the role I believe God prepared for me, or maybe it’s prepared me for. I have often heard people say that if they had to go through their particular adversity again, they would.  They would not change a thing.  I am not of the same opinion, and I do not foresee changing my mind about this. 

You see, well, let’s first define the term ‘white paper’:

 'An informational document issued by a company to promote or highlight the features of a solution, product or service.  White papers are sales and marketing documents used to entice or persuade potential customers to learn more about or purchase a particular product, service, technology or methodology.  White papers are designed to be used as a marketing tool before a sale, and not as a user manual or other technical document developed to provide support to the user after making a purchase.' (Investopedia.com).       

Well, I hardly feel that I am ‘persuading potential customers…’, but more like I am providing ‘an informational document issued…to promote or highlight the features of a solution…’ In my case reaching out to a particular segment of society.  A segment of society that we do not hear much about.  Why do I have to explain what I am doing? Well, I do not really have to explain.    I want the segment of society, the women that I am speaking to, to understand.  To understand that I understand, what they are going through because I have been through the same thing.

What is that? I want to encourage women of all ages who cannot/could not, have children.  Maybe it’s me, but have you ever noticed that people start to squirm whenever that subject does not come up?  People are not sure what to say when you tell them you do not have children.  There is an uncomfortable lull in the conversation, and then you can see their brain working on an exit strategy from the conversation, from you.  Others say silly things like ‘children are overrated’, or ‘you can have mine, they’re a pain’.  Most people are joking, but it’s just not funny.  It would be better to say ‘I’m sorry’, or say nothing.  I plan on speaking to the hurting heart of childlessness, giving a voice to the pain. Why?  Because I believe when you give voice to your fears, your losses, your pain; although that pain might not completely go away, it becomes less ominous.  I plan to help make the pain less ominous.

My white paper, then, is to help childless women realize that they, we, are as relevant to society as women with children.  I want to be the ‘marketing tool’ in the ‘white paper’.  We are not filler, existing on the fringe of society.  We are not bitter, hateful or weird.  Trust me, I have heard it all.  

Unfortunately some people will see my ‘white paper’, my mission, as a threat.  They will draw their children closer when I enter the room, or they may make veiled remarks of feeling threatened.  Please know that if my message is not for you, it’s OK.  I know for a fact that there are millions of women around the world for whom this message will resonate.  I also believe that there are also millions of men and women around the world who are open-minded enough, and not feeling threatened, to want to understand.  I applaud you and thank you.  I look forward to helping others better understand that we all have different fears, losses, and pain.  But we can overcome these facts of life enough, to live a relevant and joy-filled life.