Top 10 things every woman over 40 should know

10) Its true, we really should have at least one really nice black dress, one really nice business suit, and one really nice pair of shoes!

 9) After 40, we should realize that although human beings are living longer, life is short.  Every day should be chock full of joy and thankfulness whether we are cooking yet another meal, taking out the trash, or zip lining through a forest! Every day is a gift.

8) Most arguments are just not worth it. Most people will realize that once you have declined the invitation to argue, they will calm down.  Most people…which leads to the next point.

7) Life is too short for drama. We must avoid the drama queens and kings as much as possible.  We can’t save everyone!  I read a meme the other day that I really like: ‘Not my circus, not my monkeys’! I’m not sure who said it, but I love it!

6) By the way, in point number seven, it does not mean that we should not be kind or helpful, but by 40, we should: Know the difference between lending an ear and getting drawn in. 

5) We should know that having a giving spirit does not mean we are losers or that we are stupid. It just means we have a giving spirit. The key is to know to whom we should give, or not to give.  We should know how to be selective and when to cut people off when we see a trend. You know what I’m talking about! It is called discernment and common sense.  If you do not have either, ask God to give them to you.

4) By 40 we know that no one, not even we ourselves, is perfect.  We should be kind to others even if we do not ‘click’ with them.  It won’t take anything out of us to do so.

3) For those of us who are single never married, divorced, or widowed, we have a lot to offer.  Chances are there are people in our lives with whom we can spend time. At any rate, we have a book to write, a degree to finish, or a project we have always wanted to complete.  We are first class human beings.  We should not settle for just any companionship to avoid loneliness.  There’s a big world out there waiting for us to get to know!    

2) If you are married, enjoy your spouse. Hey, you said yes!  The grass is not greener. It is only greener where you water and fertilize.  Hey, look at fertilizer as an investment.  That stuff is expensive! OK, that’s it on that subject.  If you have children, enjoy them, before you know it they will be grown and gone.  Do not take advantage of them, and do not take them for granted.  At least one of them may be there for you during your old age.  And remember, some of us do not have children.

1) We should get to know our Creator. He is the one who will never leave us or forsake us even when the most well-meaning and loving human being we know, may let us down.  He will never let us down, whether he answers our prayers the way we wanted or not. Trust him.  After all, he knows our end to our beginning and our beginning to our end. Check out these two scriptures.  ‘Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things which have not been done, saying ‘My purpose will be established, and I will accomplish all my good pleasure.’-- Isaiah 46:10…and “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.”-- Revelations 22:13.

There are many more things that will occur to us as we head into our 40’s.  It’s definitely not just 10 things, but I will tell you this; I felt like an adult for the first time in my life when I turned 40…a long time ago!  I maintain a teachable spirit, but I have also decided that I would go out on a limb more.  I take day trips to the beach and other places I had always wanted to.  I decided that In the midst of my life’s responsibilities, I was going to have fun! Life is short!  Hey, no matter how it looks on social media, no one’s life is perfect.  Most people are just doing the best with what they have been given.  At least that’s what we should be doing!

When God's Children Fight

It doesn’t sound good does it? I mean, is that the image we want to portray to the world that Christians fight? Well I have news for you, they already know. The way Christians manage dispute, and the way we deal with the resulting consequences of the dispute, are what the world sees.  Sometimes on television, sometimes in their local churches.   

Many non-Christians believe that Christians should not fight, that we should not make mistakes, that we should not drop the ball.  I have news for you, we are human beings. We will mess up, we will drop the ball, and we will make mistakes.  Part of our transformation is however, that we are willing to correct, to change.  When we become Christians, we are supposed to grow in our knowledge of Christ.  That means we cannot keep the same bad attitudes and dirty habits.  We will not necessarily change overnight, but we should not be anywhere near the same a year or 30 years after we become Christians!  Unfortunately, some Christians do not change.  So you will see the same bad attitude and not much change, year after year after year!

I think this is the struggle most non-Christians have.  They see many Christians acting and talking like non-Christians and they get confused.  Most non-Christians will tell you that although they are not Christians themselves, they know how a Christian should act.  It sounds superficial, but that is the thought process of many non-Christians.  The fact is, most people at least in America, identify with the Christian faith. But identifying with a faith and living the life are two completely different things. 

For those Christians who more than identify, who truly believe, we still run the risk of messing up from time to time. Sorry!  There is a further difference though.  And here’s the clincher, the true Christian’s mess ups should be fewer as the years go by.  After all, like any relationship we are truly interested in cultivating, we want to learn the other person’s personality.  In fact we take on aspects of their personality.  We want to please that person, and we want to stay in relationship with that person.  We learn what makes them tick, what makes them upset, and what makes them happy.  Our relationship with Christ is pretty similar, except that we get more out of the relationship than he does.  In my opinion.  He loves us unconditionally, he wants us to spread the good news about how wonderful a relationship with him would be.  But he also wants us to reflect his attitude toward life, toward others, the more we become like him.

He wants us to be more forgiving. He wants us to be about his business instead of gossiping, backstabbing, and jostling for position.  God wants us to recognize our weaknesses and work on them daily, realizing we will never be perfect. He wants us to be more like him every day, every year, whether it is a year or 30 years from now! 

When we have disagreements especially with other Christians, God wants us to resolve those issues with him in mind.  He wants us to act like brothers and sisters, not mortal enemies.  He does not want us to go for the jugular, pounding each other into the ground, trying to destroy each other.  Those are all worldly and definitely ungodly actions.   We should not forget who or whose we are when we disagree with each other.  If we cannot resolve differences amongst each other like proper Christians, we are showing a bad example to the world.  And we are proving that we have not grown and probably have no intention of doing so.  We are just identifying with Christianity, but not living the life.

God will have the last word in every aspect of our relationship with him, and with each other.  He will give us increase and he will admonish us, because he loves us.  The question is, will you just identify with Christianity, or will you be about the life? 

Top 10 ways to know God can trust you financially

10) No matter your income, broke is a state of mind.  Whether you make $5.00 per hour or $5000.00 per hour, handle your money, do not allow your money to handle you.

9)   Give. Be generous with your time and your finances.  Whether you teach a Sunday school class, give to your local little league, or contribute to your local soup kitchen, be generous. “Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days.” Ecclesiastes 11:1.

8)   Save.  No matter how much or how little you make, save something. There is no excuse for not saving.  The reason most people cannot save is because they are too busy trying to keep up with the Jones's.  There are so many discount stores around these days, anyone can look like a million bucks for less!

7)  Bless someone.  If you feel lead to give something to someone, or even pay for their meal, do it.  It does not matter how much you think they are worth.  Indeed, it does not matter if they are a multi-millionaire and you are not. See the scripture above in number nine. Of course, make sure your ‘blessing’ is done from the right place in your heart.  If you are doing it out of guilt or pride it will not work out.

6) Don’t hate.  Just as I mentioned above in number seven, it does not matter how much a person has or how much you think they have, offer.  It can be done without insulting them, it is a matter of being nice. Allow them the choice to accept or not.

5) Learn from your financial mistakes.  Everyone has made financial mistakes.  The key is to learn from those mistakes, and not repeat them. It may be tempting to repeat something expecting a different outcome, but trust me, the outcome will be the same.

4) Ask for help.  Most employers offer retirement savings plans as part of an employee’s compensation package.  With the retirement savings plan, typically a 401k or 403b; the company your employer hires to manage your 401k offers free assistance.  They can help you choose what mutual fund(s) to invest your 401k or 403b contributions.  The tools are there, do your research and be ready for retirement.   The government is not going to help you get ready for retirement.

3) Pay attention to the world around you.  No matter how you feel about it, we live in a global village.  Everyone is affected by everyone else.  Know what is going on in the world around you.  You do not have to be a professional financial person, news hound, or fluent in multiple languages.  Just be aware.

2) Know your financial weaknesses.  And act accordingly. Make a grocery list so that you do not spend double what you wanted to. Go clothes shopping at your planned time.  Some people buy clothes twice a year.  Or maybe you are shopping for a special occasion.  If not, stay out of the stores if you do not have the will power to ‘just browse’.

1) Know how to wait or to live without.  Stop using your credit card for your wants, and recognize the difference between wants and needs.  If you do not take control of your finances, you are only sabotaging yourself and your future.  “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Philippians 4:12.  When God sees you doing your best with your finances, he will trust you with more.  Leave the Jones's alone!  

Happy Mothers Day!

Embouchure

Embouchure, what is it? If you played a woodwind instrument in middle or high school, or even now, you know what it is. If you play or played guitar, you know what it is.  I can hear some guitar players right now, ‘I don’t know what that is.’  Give me a minute, you will.

I played alto saxophone, my junior year of high school.  I was not that great, but my dad thought getting me involved in band would somehow make me well-rounded.  Some of you may not be shocked by this, but as hard as I tried, I never fit in.  It was hard for me to make friends.  I don‘t know how much music helped, I was in marching band and stage band, maybe it did a little.

Next time you see someone playing a saxophone or any other wood wind instrument, look at their bottom lip.  Notice how it is curved back over the musician’s bottom row of teeth.  Ever imagine how painful that might be? Me either, until I started taking saxophone lessons.   I tried everything not to suffer the pain of my bottom row of teeth cutting into the inside of my bottom lip.   Webster’s Dictionary defines an embouchure as ‘1. The mouthpiece of a wind instrument. 2. The way in which the lips are applied to an embouchure to produce a musical tone.’

One day at practice, my saxophone teacher caught me red-handed! He was an elderly gentleman and he had probably seen this a million times.  I had folded a sheet of paper towel into a small square, and put it inside my bottom lip.  Bottom line, no pun intended, he said that I could not do that; it would not allow me to play the instrument properly.  Yes, it was pretty gross as I removed the piece of paper and tossed it into the trash. I proceeded to build my embouchure.

And build it I did.  I built a callous on the inside of my bottom lip which allowed me to properly play the alto saxophone.  Yes guitar players, the same callouses you build on your fingertips, are what woodwind instrument players build on the inside of their bottom lip. 

In life, we need to build a callous.  We do not build a callous as a way to become hard-hearted, heartless, or mean; but to strengthen us against the relentless waves of life.  Life can be horrible, mean, and downright disrespectful.  You know the saying, ‘we will either sink or swim’, or what about this saying, ‘if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything’.   I don’t know who the originators of these sayings are, but they have continued down through time because they are true!  We need to build up our strength to do battle against the wiles of the devil and the craziness of life.  When we are weak, we fall for anything, we allow life to assail us and sink us.  If we allow ourselves to be strengthened, to build our embouchure, we will have a better chance of surviving our journey through life. 

I played saxophone for the senior graduation march or procession, that year.  The music for the graduation procession is pretty easy, although I probably could not play it now.  The callous inside my bottom lip is gone now too.  It took some time to disappear actually.  But I have a nice healthy one that I have built up over time, for the craziness of life.  Yes, life can hit us out of left field.  Life can send us reeling in a downward spiral.  But I am convinced a proper embouchure, and a healthy callous, will help us survive.       

What if?

Life is about choices.  We choose to take risks or we choose to live under the radar.  There is no middle ground, no straddling the fence.  We either risk applying for that promotion, or we sit in the same seat year after year.  We either risk asking that person on a date, or we wonder ‘what if?’ We either write that book or we dream about writing that book.  We dream about taking that vacation, or opening that business we think about every day; or we just exist until we die.

They say the cemeteries are filled with unrealized dreams.  We will one day become one of those unrealized dreams or we can take the risk.  What drives risk takers, what pushes us to take the risk? It’s that voice in our head and our gut that says ‘I don’t want to turn 90 and find myself sitting in my rocking chair wondering ‘what if?’  Don’t get me wrong, an integral part of taking risks is failing.  I believe that is what keeps many people from taking risks.  What if you ask her out and she says no?  What if you apply for that job or promotion and someone less qualified gets it?  What if you did not conduct the proper research before opening your business or maybe you did, and it fails within two years of opening?  What if you just break even on that book you decided to publish?  Hey, what if you take that dream vacation and you come back with a stomach virus or worse? 

But what if you succeed? What if you succeed beyond your wildest dreams?  What if you have the vacation of a lifetime with memories you will cherish forever?  What if the success of your book is that it touched one soul, or 10, or 10,000?  What if it takes your business three times before it is successful.  And in the meantime you have to work for someone else during the day and work on your business at night, until it is successful?  What if the person you asked out said no and then you met the person of your dreams?  Risk, what if?

Many years ago, I worked for a brokerage firm for more than a decade.  The last seven of those 11 years I was a Registered Representative—aka a stock broker.  It took me several years to get to that level, and I have to say I loved my job.  I loved, and still love, the energy of the stock market.  But some days I hated my job!  I would find myself staring out the window, wondering ‘what if?’  Then the layoffs happened. 250 of us in one day!  My life changed immensely after that day.  I vowed never to go back into the world of finance and thought I would try the healthcare industry. 

My first job in the healthcare industry, an entry level position, I lasted two and half years.  Then I was fired!  I was taking too much time with the patients.  I had never been fired before! The next employment opportunity, same job different company, I took that entry level position again; hoping to get in and move up in the company.  I seriously wanted to; thought I would, stay there until retirement! I tried for six years to move up, but to no avail.  I sat in an entry level position making thousands less than I had made as a broker, but thankful for a job.  We all know the stories of how many people are under-employed.  After six years however, I could not take it anymore.  I resigned.  It was now or never. 

The months preceding my resignation, that was all I heard, ‘it’s now or never!’  I heard it in church sermons and conversations with strangers who did not know my situation.  Everywhere I turned, I heard the warning, ‘it’s now or never’.  I kept thinking ‘I have to do this.  I may never get another chance’.  But I would push the thought out of my mind because it just was not practical.  It was not the right time!             

Well, here I am.  I’m working at my ‘what if’.  Is it scary? Yes it is!  Do I sometimes hear the voice in my head asking me if I’m crazy? Yes.  Do I ask myself what about being prepared for retirement?  Definitely! Suppose! Suppose, suppose, suppose!? What response do I give myself? ‘I know, suppose, but what if?’

Listen all about it!